We Need Feminism

I don’t remember when I first learned about feminism, but I know that I have identified as a feminist since I was probably in middle school. I knew that men and women were equal, and that was that. This was more than 20 years ago, but things haven’t changed much since then; girls are still reluctant to call themselves feminists because they think feminism means hating men or thinking women are superior to men.

Even when I was in university, I can remember girls in the women’s studies department who didn’t want to call themselves feminists. It was as if it was a declaration that either you were a lesbian or you had a problem with men… or both. Okay, I can imagine that this prospect would be a little scary for a girl hoping to find a guy whom she could potentially marry one day. Since my only aspiration in university was to get the most of out of my education, I had no such hang-ups.

I belong to the school of thought which argues that patriarchy hurts everyone, not just women. I believe in pointing fingers at systems and ideologies before groups of people.

We live in a time where the damage of patriarchy is everywhere. Now that the Fifty Shades of Grey movie has been released, the discussion sparked by the publication of the first book, about its damaging message, has been reignited. I admit that I have not read the book (I couldn’t get past the sloppy syntax and unengaging narration), nor do I intend to see the movie. Therefore, I will not pretend to be in a position to critique these works (beyond my observation above). I have, however, been reading articles written by people who have read the books and/or watched the film adaptation, and my interest is in discussing some of the ideas about relationships and sex.

For the record, I don’t condemn people for wanting to engage in consensual role play. Whatever floats your boat… again, provided everyone is agreeable. And by “agreeable,” I’m referring to consent, which does not mean “Well, you didn’t say no, so...” No, I mean there was discussion, and both (or more, if that’s what you’re into) people signed on for whatever was going to happen in the future. But when there is an imbalance of power, the question of consent becomes much more complex.

There is a line between BDSM and abuse, and that line is consent. This makes me think back to Jian Ghomeshi, who defended himself upon his dismissal from the CBC by almost boasting that he had had a fifty-shades-esque relationship with a woman who would soon try to discredit him publically because he had dumped her. Many women would later come forward stating that they had been physically and sexually abused by Ghomeshi without giving consent. Yet Ghomeshi had plenty of people defending him on social media, men especially. It was easier to believe that eight women were lying, as opposed to one man.

There must be a reason why sexual practices that were once taboo became mainstream. Certainly, it’s not because E. L. James wrote a contemporary classic that freed us from our puritanical ways. How does one go from vanilla sex to bondage?

I read a very insightful article today about the damage that pornography is doing. This particular paragraph is what interests me at this moment:

A new wave of feminists, who have betrayed the iconic work of radicals such as Andrea Dworkin, defends porn as a form of sexual liberation and self-empowerment. These “feminists,” grounded in Michel Foucault and Judith Butler, are stunted products of neoliberalism and postmodernism. Feminism, for them, is no longer about the liberation of women who are oppressed; it is defined by a handful of women who are successful, powerful and wealthy—or, as in the case of “Fifty Shades of Grey,” able to snag a rich and powerful man. A woman wrote the “Fifty Shades” book, as well as the screenplay. A woman directed the film. A woman studio head bought the movie. This collusion by women is part of the internalization of oppression and sexual violence that have their roots in porn. Dworkin understood. She wrote that “the new pornography is a vast graveyard where the Left has gone to die. The Left cannot have its whores and its politics too.”

In my discussions with fellow feminists, I have long argued that patriarchy is so well-ingrained in humanity that women themselves are the ones sustaining and propagating it today. Children are growing up in a world where Beyonce is the model feminist—a woman who rose to fame on her talent and, now, in her mid-thirties with a family, seems to be putting more effort into selling her body than her voice. Drunk in Love? WTF was that shitty song? And why was she rolling around in a wet bathing suit in the video, while Jay Z got to be fully dressed? It’s liberating, right?! Puh-lease!

Who is as famous as Queen Bey? Kim Kardashian, who is not only famous for being famous (a capitalist nightmare) but for making a sex tape and showing off her ass, both in and out of clothes.

And I’m not blaming them per se. There is a reason why women have to do whatever it takes to get attention. Our world is like that. This nonsense is part of a larger cultural problem. Pornography is ubiquitous. Hard core porn isn’t something you need to pay for anymore; it’s free and ready to be viewed on any device connected to the Internet. And the content of TV is changing. The days of good writing in sitcoms are over; now, all the jokes are about sex.

Let’s not forget advertising either. While there is a long history of pushing the envelope in this field, advertisers get away with imagery today that is reminiscent of porn. The first ad that comes to mind is one for Slice, starring Katrina Kaif. She waits longingly for the mango to ripen, and when it does, she splits it open, holds it above her face, and the camera focuses on a small hole at the top of the mango (not exactly the same opening she made in the fruit) that expels a drop on her lip.

This requires no imagination to see the analogy. And as a mango lover, I must say, no one eats mango like that! It’s a rather vile ad. But, hey, sex sells!

What is the message today? Women have to be hot. Who doesn’t want to be attractive? That’s fine. But who defines what’s “hot,” and why does hotness have to be about blatant sexuality? What happened to subtlety?

Getting back to porn, the evolution that it has undergone in the digital age is scary. I remember when pornography was people having sex. Whether they were both happy to be doing it is another issue, but at least they acted like they were. Today, there is a buffet of acts to watch, a lot of which are, quite frankly, gross. And a lot of the time, the people on screen look like they have contempt for each other. Slapping and spitting have become common. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want be treated like that, nor would I want to be with someone whom I would feel compelled to treat like that.

In Canada, I live in an apartment building with thin walls and floors, and I can tell you, on the basis of my observations (which I honestly wish I was never in a position to make), that adults have learned about sex from porn. And now that every kid has his or her own mobile phone, if their generation is learning about sex from porn, we can expect more violence and sexual dysfunction, and ultimately, fewer connections between people and less respect and appreciation for one another.

Feminism is crucial because things aren’t getting better. Women may be more visible today than they were before, but I have heard men complain that this has disenfranchised them. How can we have equality if either side feels this way? And how can we be happy with ourselves if we’re constantly being told that we’re no good?