Accepting Ugly Truths

Like countless others, I grew up watching The Cosby Show and Fat Albert. And for thirty years, the former remained my favourite TV show, re-watched with delight for years in re-runs on television and on DVD. I idolized Bill Cosby. I even saw him do stand-up live a little more than a decade ago and laughed myself to tears for the duration of the show.

But I have since had to accept that my childhood idol is a monster.

After the news broke this week that Cosby had himself admitted to obtaining Quaaludes to drug and have sex with rape women, and drugging at least one woman for this purpose, I thought his relentless defenders would admit that they needed to rethink their position. Thankfully, some have. However, the overall response seems to have changed very little. Some, like Whoopi Goldberg, still defend him, arguing that one is innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Cosby’s admission of guilt while under oath isn’t close enough for Whoopi, I guess.

The fact that Whoopi Goldberg has allowed herself to become attached to this story in the media helps me bolster my argument. Thanks, Whoopi! She is another actor/comedian whose work I enjoyed as a kid. I saw The Color Purple probably before I was old enough to, and who didn’t love Sister Act and Ghost?! But that was Whoopi Goldberg acting; I never knew the real Whoopi Goldberg. Now that she is on TV and social media daily, with the ability to share her thoughts with the public, she can show us more than the characters she has portrayed on screen—and she’s not very impressive. Remember when she defended Justin Bieber for using the n-word, because she felt that it doesn’t have the same meaning in Canada as it does in the U.S.? Bill Cosby, too, might have written timeless material and played a convincing dad character, but we, his viewers, never knew his character because we enjoyed his work. I’m not sure if his defenders are clinging to their cherished memories of Heathcliff Huxtable or they just can’t admit that they need to change their position.

Was it easy to admit that my childhood idol is a monster? Of course not. But it had to be done. Life is about change. As you age, you realize this more and more. If you can’t learn and grow, and admit when you’re wrong or ignorant about something, then you’re not evolving as a human being. Our basic human nature should cause us to feel outrage and disgust in response to dozens of women accusing a man of sexually assaulting them.

The fact that there are people who continue to find it easier to question the women’s motives than accept that Cosby might be a vile man says something about North American culture.

Much has been written about rape culture, and fortunately this term has finally entered the mainstream discourse, making people question what they see and hear around them and generating discussion about what consent means. Thank you, feminists! By the way, the concept of consent is why I put a strikethrough through that text above, in case it didn’t click when you read it. Conflating sex and rape is part of why we still need to talk about consent and teach the ignorant—youth and adults alike—what it means. I had a conversation with someone about Cosby a few days ago, and I uttered the words, “He admitted to drugging women so he could have his way with them.” As those words came out of my mouth, I realized that the phrase “have one’s way with” is a euphemism that English speakers throw around like it’s nothing, and this shows how murky the understanding of consensual sex vs. sexual assault can be. Here is a great explanation of what consent is:

We tend to look outward rather than inward. It is easy to say things like, “Women are treated so badly there [insert the name of any so-called developing—read non-white-dominated—nation].” Introspection is hard work, but it is necessary. We must do it both as individuals and as societies. Besides the fact that the accusations of roughly 40 women don’t matter to everyone, the fact that people can make jokes about Cosby raping women, or say nonsensical things like “This happened so many years ago. Move on!” (a comment I saw in response to an article posted on Facebook) suggests that we have a cultural problem.

Let us not forget that marital rape wasn’t deemed a criminal act in Canada until 1983, and it wasn’t until 1993 that it was outlawed in all 50 U.S. states! How civilized are we, really? And honestly, is there ever a time when a woman’s accusation isn’t met with questions about her character or behaviour? Yet some men seem to take it personally when another man is accused of rape, as in Bill Cosby’s case, as though the default position—in complete contrast to how women are looked at—is that one should naturally assume a man’s character to be good.

I have learned in the last year. I have learned that I used to idolize a monster; I have learned that it is okay that I used to idolize a monster, because I didn’t know that he wasn’t worthy of my idolatry; I have learned that a woman’s word is still of less value than a man’s in this culture; I have learned that education about sex and consent is still lacking and is absolutely essential; I have learned that rape culture is insidious and must be identified and challenged on an ongoing basis; and I have learned that it is important for these stories to come out, if for no other reason that the reactions to them shine the spotlight on the individuals and systems that either tacitly support patriarchy or utterly despise women.

Don’t “move on” from this. Grow up and have difficult discussions with yourself and others about unpleasant and inconvenient truths, like the fact that Bill Cosby is a monster who got off on raping unconscious women and has been getting away with it for decades because women’s choices and bodies are not necessarily their own.