On equality and being a woman

As I wrote in my last post, it was predicted that I would be born male. Had this been the case, my life would undoubtedly have been very different. And admittedly, there was a brief time during my childhood when I wished I was a boy. But that’s another story. I learned as I got older that I could—and should—just be myself.

I was the textbook example of a tomboy until about the time when I hit puberty. My friends were mostly boys, I loathed dresses, I never gave a thought to wearing makeup, I opted to play with action figures and cars, I read superhero comics, and I liked sports. I was fortunate because the society in which I was raised, and my family, accepted this. The fact that the “tomboy” category even exists suggests that girls have more mobility on the gender spectrum than boys do, which is something I appreciate.

Being a woman, thanks to the hard work of feminists, means being whatever I want to be.

But being a woman is not all wonderful. Girls and women are raped by the hour, the minute, or the second, in some cases. In fact, it would be difficult to find a woman anywhere in the world who hasn’t been sexually harassed or assaulted at least once in her life.

Some would have us believe that everything is fair and equal now, so we should just shut up and be happy.

I would like to believe that things are getting better, but I wonder. I wonder because of things like the “Women against Feminism” hashtag campaign. I have known anti-feminists. I would never want to inhabit their tiny worlds, but fortunately for me, I don’t have to—again, thanks to feminism. I also wonder because of the so-called “men’s rights activists” out there. Men’s rights activism is akin to white people claiming that they need to fight for their rights. In other words, it is nonsense used to undermine those who dare to challenge the privilege of the dominant group.

Many men complain about the bumbling dad stereotype represented in advertising, and I wonder who they’re waiting for to change this. Is the advertising industry not still dominated by men? I have also heard complaints about girls receiving greater focus in education, while boys fall through the cracks. The last time I checked, the top decision-makers for school boards continue to be men. So, again, who are these concerned citizens waiting for to change this?

On an even more serious note, the following billboard was erected in Toronto this week:

Of course, some men face abuse in their relationships, but this ambiguously worded statistic seems to have come from someone’s ass. What exactly is the purpose of this statement, besides portraying men as victims? On the subject of abused women, people are always asking, “Why doesn’t/didn’t she leave?” So, let’s be fair and give abused men the same treatment: “Why don’t/didn’t you leave?” I suspect, just as in the case of the former, the answers in the latter case are many, and the issue is highly nuanced.

It’s bad enough when the privileged deny that they have privilege, but when they blame the under-privileged for their struggles and distort reality as an insidious way to reassert themselves and maintain the system that promotes their dominance, this is unacceptable.

I don’t know any woman—straight or queer—who hates men. Yet feminists still have a reputation for being man-haters, and I see animosity and resentment toward women in such anti-feminist movements. I’ve also occasionally heard this antipathy in conversation with even the kindest and most seemingly liberal men.

Then, how can we hope to achieve equality? I wish I had the answer. I wish people could just understand and accept each other, and value our differences.

Originally, I was going to write about how much I love being a woman, but when I reflected on the reasons why this is so, I realized that I don’t have any. I just love being me. And part of being me is being a woman. We are all so much more than a biological sex or gender identity.