Who gets to define masculinity?

After my mom and I saw Tim Burton’s Batman in the theatre, she bought me the soundtrack on cassette. I listened to it endlessly. Undeniably, Prince created extraordinary music, and his virtuosity on the guitar was amazing. But to me, Prince was also a legend because he defied the rigid gender norms that we’re taught are so crucial to defining people. 

I remember watching him perform when I was growing up and being fascinated. Irrespective of gender or sexual orientation, it seemed like one couldn’t help but be attracted to Prince. He was sexuality personified. He may always be associated with androgyny, but to me, he seemed masculine, just not in the way he was expected to be.

But what is “masculine”?

This comic, False Equivalence, is a powerful one. Indeed, with those lovely eyes and fit, slender frame, that is an attractive Batman! And why should he make anyone uncomfortable? The comic resonated during a conversation with some female friends some time ago. While discussing attractive celebrities, my friends named very classically masculine men: Idris Elba, Clint Eastwood, Javier Bardem, etc. 

Very rarely will anyone come to me for recommendations on hot guys, but I added my two bits. I showed them a photo of Buzzfeed’s Eugene Lee Yang.

The response was, “Oh, you like androgynous guys.”

Among the many things I find attractive, I suppose androgyny is one. After Prince came my admiration for the glammed up rockers of the 80s and 90s, like Sebastian Bach and Bret Michaels. 

And then I saw The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time. Women in fishnet stockings don’t do it for me, but when Tim Curry put them on, something magical happened.

But in what way is Eugene androgynous? 

Is it his longish hair? Something to do with his facial features? His lean build? His clean shaven face? Asian men are often characterized as androgynous. This keeps Asian actors from playing romantic leads in Hollywood films and on U.S. TV serials, and it is reflected in the racism the gay community has become known for. There is actually code for it on hook-up and dating apps and sites: “No rice,” “No spice,” etc.

Why should earning the label “masculine” have more validity than any other, such as “androgynous” or “feminine”? It seems like a no-brainer: Anything associated with femininity is of less value because the patriarchal values that structure the world in which most of us live says so. Gender ambiguous or non-conformist people are beaten up, raped, and murdered every day because someone feels they deserve it. Anyone with any humanity will agree that this is wrong, but how many people will give thought to their own prejudices that are shaped by the same destructive system that empowers those people to carry out these crimes?

We are conditioned to think that a certain look is more attractive than another and that certain behaviours are acceptable only for a certain set of people—these things are not “natural.” People used to criticize my mother for dressing me in pants and not giving me dolls to play with. They weren’t interested in hearing that Mom actually had an array of different outfits for me, but I used to put up a fight whenever she opted for a dress, that once when she won the battle, I went to daycare and promptly opened the green paint and poured it on myself to ruin that outfit, or that I had dolls, but never wanted to play with them, unless they were Barbies and could be made to act out the various scenarios that I imagined. Why would I have wanted to push a doll around in a stroller?! Was I supposed to be a parent-in-training at three? Gender is largely learned, but the reality is that we and our tastes are incredibly diverse.

Fortunately, the world has had stars like David Bowie and Prince to tell everyone that it’s okay to be “different” and that men don’t have to look only one way to be beautiful. 

We need more such people—and also women with the same kind of power to effect change in our mindsets.

Kudos to anyone who is unapologetically who they are, be it masculine, feminine, or androgynous, or anyone who finds any combination of these forms attractive, in whichever body exhibits them!